Drinks, anyone?
by peppermintshoes
Summary: Revenge is a dish best served cold. Or fermented. Hitsugaya, Matsumoto. Oneshot


Title: Drinks, anyone?

Rating: PG/K+

Disclaimer: I do not own _Bleach_ nor the characters contained within.

Summary: _Hitsugaya finds out the hard way that the old adage "look before you leap" holds a lot more relevance than he once thought. Hitsugaya, Matsumoto. Oneshot  
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**Drinks, anyone?**

Matsumoto stuck her head surreptitiously through the doorway, looking right and left before creeping into the room and towards his large desk, a small sake bottle clutched in her hand. She rummaged through the cluttered bottom draw for several minutes until she located her prize, squashed into the back right-hand corner. An impish grin spread across her face as she casually switched the bottle in the drawer for the one in her hand. Then, with the same stealth with which she had entered, Matsumoto exited the room, stopping only momentarily to cast a faint, almost imperceptible kidou spell on the door.

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Hitsugaya hummed to himself and he sat down at his desk, the contents of his bottom drawer at the forefront of his mind. Contrary to popular belief, he did in fact enjoy the odd drop of sake and it just so happened that his vice-captain had impeccable taste when it came to alcohol. Drawing the small bottle from its bottom-drawer hideaway, Hitsugaya took a moment to appreciate the benefits of being the superior officer of one of Seireitei's heaviest drinkers. Confiscating sake from Matsumoto was like disarming a first year academy student; she didn't stand a chance. Not that he had any sympathy: it was her own fault for trying to drink on duty.

Hitsugaya sighed in anticipation as he swirled the contents around the bottle. As far as he knew, Matsumoto had yet to realise that he had been, uh, _borrowing_ the confiscated sake and had been topping it up with cheaper stuff before returning it to her.

Doing a cursory check of the office for any signs of his elusive vice-captain, he raised the bottle to his lips and took a large swig of the warm liquid...

...and promptly spat it out, showering his desk and its contents with _whatever_ it was he had just been about to consume.

A tinny shriek of laughter came from the direction of the doorway, the sound reminiscent of an amplified hell butterfly. He scowled as he realised that the sound way emanating from a tiny Kidou portal hidden in the corner of the doorjamb that was presumably transmitting the events of the office to Matsumoto's location.

"Matsumoto, what the _hell_ did I just drink?" He demanded to the glowing spot of Kidou. The spell flickered for a moment then brightened and suddenly a blonde-haired head with a cheeky grin appeared in the centre of the light. Hitsugaya used his best scowl in glaring at his vice-captain's disembodied head, but it only served to make her pert grin even broader.

"Gee, I'm not sure Captain" she said, one hand coming up to stroke her chin in mock thoughtfulness. "It _may_ have been last month's obento fermented in vinegar with a few pickled plums and, oh I don't know, perhaps some of Nanao's gunpowder green for good measure? But you know, those are just rumours..."

She trailed off and Hitsugaya paled as he contemplated what he had almost consumed. _Last month's_ obento? Good grief. He wondered how he could have possibly missed the awful stench the concoction was giving off. His musings were interrupted by a tinny noise as his vice-captain spoke again.

"I'm sorry captain, but it serves you right for drinking my sake. Although..." she paused for a moment to toss her hair over her shoulder and arrange an appropriately scandalous look on her features "if you wanted my sake you should have just asked. I'm always willing to share. I'm a very generous person you know."

Then with a saucy wink, she added huskily, "_Especially_ when it comes to you, captain."

One of Hitsugaya's eyes twitched momentarily before his customary shout of "MATSUMOTO" rang through their division.

The blonde vice-captain had already disappeared.

FIN

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A/N: Since I always seem to be picking on poor Matsumoto in these silly oneshots I felt it was about time Hitsugaya had his turn. Besides, Matsumoto aint a vice-captain for nothing!

The fic was inspired as usual (and by the usual culprit) by a real life situation, in which a friend accidentally drank something she really shouldn't have. Said fic was written in an attempt to cheer her up.

Thoughts? Opinions? Should I do another Hitsu oneshot or stick to Matsumoto? Leave a review (if you feel so inclined) and let me know.

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